Update

Hi Everyone!

So you're proably wondering what's going on with me lately. Well, I'm still looking for a job sadly. But the Lord has blessed me with a lot of tender mercies. First the new ward I am in. I've made a big adjustment to going to a new ward. I don't mind the commute actually. I have a lot of friends in my new ward and everything with the change is going really well. The bishop told me that I'll be getting a calling and haven't yet. But my visiting teachers are awesome. One of them called me for an appointment and yet I haven't done my visit teaching. I should proably do that.

Then with the dating department, nothing much. I'm still very heartbroken. I go on dates when guys ask me but I really haven't gone on a lot. Dating is taking a back seat right now in my life. That part of my life is getting cut out of my life at the moment. I still miss my ex a lot. Just the little things trigger it. Dating is different for everyone. But I try to remain optimistic about my ex. No one knows him better that I know then myself. There is a reason why he thinks what he thinks at the moment. But I can't deny what I feel about him. It gets just a little hard when I see my ex on sunday and sometimes monday. Cuz, I know he notices me and we just stare at each other. But I always try to keep my promises. I promised myself that when he figures it out and tries his best to get me back I will give him another shot. Yeah, I have a date this saturday and so we will see what happen with this guy. But at the same time, I'm still holding things for my ex still. I firmly believe in it and I know he will when he's ready to admit to it. He's just not ready yet.

I am taking two insitute classes. One is a class I already took but I like it and the other one is called "Understanding Personal Revelation", from the class so far I enjoy it. Its really a good class. Cuz I want to understand personal revelation better. Though I know from the revelations I have its going to happen. I'm going against what others say to me but I have to believe in something different when its from the Lord.

So that's about it with me so far.

Locked in the restraunt's bathroom

Wondering about the title? Haha!! I was at a restraunt on saturday and went to the restroom. Well I went in the stall and when I was done I tried to unlock the stall door but the latch wasn't working. So, I was stuck in the stall. A lot of things were going through my mind but the only thing I could think of is going underneath the door to get out. I was trying to think of other solutions but that was what I ended up doing. I waited for people to leave the bathroom, though one person was in a stall but wasn't looking. I think and I hope. haha!! Well, I got out of the stall and washed my hands. I told two of my friends I was with and they just laughed. Well, at the time I thought it was a little embarssing but you know its not really. Just something random that happened to me. haha!!

I'm tired......

If you've been reading my blog lately you've been noticing how I've been talking about my ex and other things. But most of it is me just venting everything with what I feel. I still feel the same way. I know that he might be looking at my blog ocasionally and I'm not going to have his behavior effect how I react. If he wants to be immature then he hasn't grown up yet. If he wants to ignore me thinking it will help or what not then so be it. When he sees me and he wants to be the immature one then I want to be the better person. I'm not going to be frusrated anymore. There are moments where I do miss him deeply. When that happens I try to think of something different. Sometimes its hard. I'm tired. I'm tired of being to nice to him. I'm tired of being the one to communicate. I'm tired of him giving me a little bone then taking it away. To me he doesn't know what he wants but he wants to keep me near him still. Yeah, I'm in a new ward and in his stake. But I'm doing this for me. Its not about him. If me being in his stake and him seeing me sometimes at the insitute is making it hard and guilty for him then I don't care. He was the one that broke it off and is being a jerk to me. If he sees me and I'm just talking with one of my guy friends but it looks differently to him and he gets jealous of it, then he will have to. Cuz he hurt me so freakin much. I'm still hurt to this day. But I've grown from this hurt.

Yeah, I still believe the same way and know it will happen with him one of these days. In time that is. But this is really his trial right now and not mine. Well, its kind of mine but not that much of it. I know that he needs to learn something from this and he doesn't really show his feelings. I know him better than any of my family and friends. But Heavenly Father knows him better than me. But I've been told something from the spirit that I'm not going to ignore right now. But I know that its still a big possibility and he doesn't want to see it at the moment. But I know that he will. But when he comes back will I personally be ready?

Just a thought,

I am just to nice to everyone? Sometimes I feel like I'm getting used because of how nice I am. That I care for everyone and once they are a part of my life I always want the best for them. Just once, I want to be appreciated for me and not how nice I am to everyone. It just goes back to the morals my parents taught me. Treat everyone the way you want to be treated. I don't want to feel like I'm being used. Yet for the past few times I have found out that I am. I'm not friends with one of my old friends anymore because we have differences. We fought cuz she thought she knew what I was thinking when she didn't. She's the type of person where it has to be her way and no one else's way. Since then I try to be friendly in front of her and she's a big fat brat back to me. Like I don't matter to her anymore.

Then with my ex, I sometimes think that I'm still being used. That he really still doesn't care about me. That I'm worth nothing to him. That he just wants to ignore me and not make any effort towards whatever he wants. That I try to extend a friendly face and I don't get one back. I try to be the mature one and he's being the immature one. Isn't it suppose to go both ways? Especially when you see each other? Isn't the other person suppose to extend a friendly gesture like I hi or even come over and see how you're doing? Instead I don't get anything like that. It makes me frusrated like he doesn't want to try and hence the reason why I don't think he sees how much I'm worth. I still feel the same way and sit firmly on it. Just he needs to see it for himself. Which I know that he will.

Which brings me to the point of I think I'm being way to nice to others if they treat me like I'm worth nothing. Just once I want to see people I know treat me with the respect I deserve. Will my ex ever mature and realize it?