If you've been reading my blog lately you've been noticing how I've been talking about my ex and other things. But most of it is me just venting everything with what I feel. I still feel the same way. I know that he might be looking at my blog ocasionally and I'm not going to have his behavior effect how I react. If he wants to be immature then he hasn't grown up yet. If he wants to ignore me thinking it will help or what not then so be it. When he sees me and he wants to be the immature one then I want to be the better person. I'm not going to be frusrated anymore. There are moments where I do miss him deeply. When that happens I try to think of something different. Sometimes its hard. I'm tired. I'm tired of being to nice to him. I'm tired of being the one to communicate. I'm tired of him giving me a little bone then taking it away. To me he doesn't know what he wants but he wants to keep me near him still. Yeah, I'm in a new ward and in his stake. But I'm doing this for me. Its not about him. If me being in his stake and him seeing me sometimes at the insitute is making it hard and guilty for him then I don't care. He was the one that broke it off and is being a jerk to me. If he sees me and I'm just talking with one of my guy friends but it looks differently to him and he gets jealous of it, then he will have to. Cuz he hurt me so freakin much. I'm still hurt to this day. But I've grown from this hurt.
Yeah, I still believe the same way and know it will happen with him one of these days. In time that is. But this is really his trial right now and not mine. Well, its kind of mine but not that much of it. I know that he needs to learn something from this and he doesn't really show his feelings. I know him better than any of my family and friends. But Heavenly Father knows him better than me. But I've been told something from the spirit that I'm not going to ignore right now. But I know that its still a big possibility and he doesn't want to see it at the moment. But I know that he will. But when he comes back will I personally be ready?
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